Currently on my mind...

NOTE: this is going to be a looooong rambley post. But I am a terrible journal keeper and this is about the only place I actually write down what it happening in my life and how I am feeling. That being said, if you choose not to read this, I understand. I just needed to write how I am feeling today so that if the discouragement creeps back in, I will be able to read this and remember how I was feeling today! 

When I started back in school up at the U, I had plans to apply for their graphic design program. I spent my whole first year building up my portfolio specifically for this purpose. But on a daily basis one of my painting teachers would tell me that I needed to be a painting major, that I would do so well as a painting major, that I just HAD to be a painting major. She got into my head, and the week that we were supposed to turn in our portfolios to apply for the graphic design program, I changed my mind and decided that I, Jessie DeCastro, was DESTINED to be a painter.

Well, almost daily during the next three years, I doubted my choice. I would have anxiety attacks. I would worry that I was doing the wrong thing. I would wonder what life would be like after graduation as a painting major. I would cry. But I would also pray about my decision. And I received confirmation that I was doing what I was supposed to do. I even had my home teacher give me a blessing. And although he didn't fully know my dilemma, his words confirmed that I was on the right path. So I stuck with it and graduated with a BFA in Painting and Drawing.

Right after graduation, I got engaged and was busy planning a wedding, purchasing a home, and making said home livable. I stopped painting. I swore that as soon as we were married, things would settle down and I would get right back into my painting. We even turned the spare room into my studio so that I would have a work space. But then we both got busy with jobs and trying to make ends meet. And I still didn't paint. I swore that as soon as we had a little more "security" I would start painting again. 

Then last year at this time, Jeff and I decided that it was time for me to quit my job and focus on being a full time artist! Some of you may remember my happy post when I stated that I was pursuing my dream job. I had such high aspirations and just KNEW that I would do oh so well. But day after day I would struggle with staying focused. I got scared. I feared that I wasn't a good enough artist. I worried that I would never make money doing what I loved. When I finally finished some commissioned pieces, I felt rejuvenated. I felt like a true artist. I felt like a GOOD artist!

Then a couple of hopeful commissions fell through due to the rough economic times, and our financial situation got really tight. Art is something that isn't really a priority when money is scarce. So I got scared again. I worried once again that I had made the wrong decision in school... that if only I had majored in graphic design, I would have a good job and we would have money. And I stopped painting. 

Over the past few months I have threatened to pack up all my art supplies and put them in storage. I wanted to forget that art was even a part of my life. I have become depressed about art. I have wished that I could be happy doing something else.

Lucky for me, I have an inspired husband, wonderful family and great friends who won't let me get away with thinking this way. Jeff has constantly reminded me that this is my calling in life. That I am an artist. That I have been given a talent that I need to do something with. And just the other weekend, a good friend slapped some sense into me and reminded me that I have had the confirmation numerous times, and that I am supposed to be a painter, so I need to stop doubting it and stop being scared, and stop complaining about it, and just do something with it. (Thanks Bri!)

And although it still seems like such an impractical career choice, I know that there is something that I am supposed to be doing with my art. Someone higher wants me to be doing this and knows that I will do something great with it. I still have no clue what will come of me painting, but I am finally feeling excited about it all again! I have plans. I have ideas. I am super excited about what I am currently working on. And although I am still job hunting so I can help bring in the bacon again, I know that I will still paint and will forever be an artist.

Now, if you read this entire rant, I apologize. Like I said, I just needed to write this down so that tomorrow when I doubt myself again, I have a reminder of what I really feel.

When it rains, it pours...

"If we had to pick one of our cars to get rid of, which would it be?" This question has caused a few laughs between Jeff and I lately. We both drive unimpressive cars anyway, but the past couple of months have been a doozy when it comes to car related issues:

Let's go back to the beginning of the summer. I was heading down to Pleasant Grove for Jeff's summer work party. Of course it was on a Friday at 6:00 pm, so the traffic was terrible. I started noticing that I was having a hard time getting into first or second gear as I trudged through rush-hour traffic. I'd had a similar problem before and figured that it just had to be my clutch going out. Well, I drove it all summer anyway, and as the problem got progressively worse and worse, I simply minimized my car time to quick trips to the grocery store and back.

Now let's go back to the beginning of August, as I was following Jeff in rush hour traffic on 700 E. Some idiot in a big red truck rear ended me causing me to tap Jeff's car in front of me.  As I recovered from the whip lash and looked in my rear view mirror, I saw "the idiot" (as he shall from this point on be referred to) waving and giving me a thumbs up. I got out of my car to survey the damage and he was still waving at me. So I raised one eyebrow and gave a half wave back. Jeff was pretty mad by this point and got out of his car. The guy rolled down his window and told Jeff "No, she's okay! She waved!" Jeff told "the idiot" to get out of his car and look at the smashed bumper. "Oh....... $*!%" he mumbled.

Long story short, we got a cop over to file a report, exchanged insurance and other info and were back on our way. Over the next couple of weeks, we found out that "the idiot" really didn't have insurance (not surprised). But he seemed like a decent guy as he returned phone calls and made arrangements with a body shop. I met him at the body shop one morning, dropped my car off, and he spoke with the owner to "make payment arrangements".

One week later, the body shop called to say sorry they hadn't fixed my car, but the guy hadn't made any payments and they didn't want to have to hold my car hostage, so I'd probably better just come pick it up. I called "the idiot". Jeff called "the idiot". We called "the idiot's" other phone number. You guessed it... they've both been disconnected.

So my bumper and messed up trunk didn't get fixed (yes, I know we can do it through our insurance, but we haven't wanted to pay the deductible). But I figured that at least we could get my clutch fixed. So we took my car to Jeff's cousin, the mechanic, for a clutch replacement. I was so excited last Saturday thinking that I would have my car back and would finally be able to drive further than Albertson's. Nope. They replaced the clutch, but that still didn't fix it, and the mechanic thinks that it may be the master cylinder. So I have my car back again, but it drives worse than before. (I am crossing my fingers that the master cylinder will finally fix it. If not, anyone want to help me push the car over a cliff???)

Well at least we have one working car. Right?

Monday after his classes, Jeff called to tell me that when he tried to start his car it wouldn't turn over. Then a small curl of smoke came out of the ignition, and lots more smoke came out from under the dash. Great! So his car was towed back to the shop where the mechanic cousin is hoping to find out what wire blew up. (Have I mentioned that we are in the shop at LEAST quarterly for new things that have broken down on Jeff's car? And have I told you that his car is on it's THIRD engine?)

So Jeff has ridden the bus, we've borrowed cars from friends (which we are SO thankful for), and we're just waiting for it to stop raining and looking forward to the rainbow!

My Ring

On May 9th, 2007, Jeff proposed to me. The whole event was a surprise. We had talked about marriage, but hadn't been ring shopping so I really didn't expect it to happen that night. We went 4-wheeling on Stansbury Island and shot his .45 at rocks and bushes. The entire day was an adventure and Jeff was great at setting the camera up to capture everything, and even caught the proposal:

I always worried that I would HATE the ring if my future husband surprised me when proposing. I've had friends who ended up with swirly piles of ugliness. And how do you tell the love of your life that he sucks at picking out jewelery? ("Sure I'll marry you, but damn this ring is UGLY!") So when he pulled out the ring box and I caught a glimpse of my ring sparking in the sunset light, I was oh so pleasantly surprised! The diamond was the cut I loved (emerald!), the ring was beautiful, and I have been in love with it for over two years now.

But for some reason, my ring has decided that it doesn't love me as much as I love it. The tiny pave diamonds keep falling out (see my post about the pies). It started out with one falling out a year and a half ago. It was an easy fix and I thought all was well. For a few months. Then it was one more diamond.  Then two, or even four at a time. The jeweler has been fantastic about fixing it each time, and has even had all the diamonds checked numerous times to make sure that they are securely set in the ring. After the pie incident, and parting with my ring yet again for a week long repair job, I thought that I might be okay for at least a few more months.

Nope.

Another diamond is MIA, and it hasn't even been a month since the last incident. I have spoken with my jeweler and they say that they cannot remake my ring. So my options are 1) keep bringing it in each month to have missing diamonds replaced, or 2) bring it in and exchange it for a new ring. Personally, I don't like either option. As I have stated, I LOVE my ring. I hate having to part with it every month for repairs. And I don't want to pick a new ring. This is the one that my sweet husband picked out, and I'm a sentimental gal.

So tell me friends, what would you do?  Would you keep the ring that you love and know that you'll be losing diamonds frequently? Or would you trade it in for a more reliable model?

I Heart Coupons

I have been looking for ways to save a buck, so my friend Kelli introduced me to the wonderful world of couponing. It has taken me a few months to get the hang of it, and honestly, I still don't enjoy it. It takes me way too long to get my list together, make sure I have all the coupons I need, and make sure that everything I wanted is in stock so that my deals work out right. But by the time I am at the cash register and see the price dropping, I am a happy camper.  Well, a couple of weeks ago, Albertson's was having one of their awesome Kraft deals, where if you spent $25 in participating items, you received a $5 coupon towards your next shopping trip and a $20 mail in rebate. I have since thrown away the receipt depicting my totals, but here is a really close guestimate of what I spent:

Actual value of groceries: $80

Total value of coupons/savings: $50

Total amount handed to cashier: $30

PLUS: $6 towards next purchase ($5 for promotional deal, plus $1 for a random item I bought)

AND: $20 mail in rebate 

Total amount spent when all is said and done: $4

1 Cougar, 3 Pies, and a Birthday Surprise

This August, Jeff caught up in age to his "cougar" of a wifey and turned the big 3 0. I wanted to have a little get-together to celebrate, so we invited a few of his closest friends to join us for dinner at McGrath's Fish House, and then had everyone over for dessert. Jeff is not a cake person, but he sure loves him some pie (note to reader:  you MUST say "pie", in an Eric Cartman voice), so I turned into a little Suzy Homemaker and baked three, yes, THREE pies for Jeff.... key lime, lemon cream cheese, and pecan... and they turned out fantastic (at least I thought so for my first attempt at making either of the pies).

(ignore my mug in the photo, but aren't my pies nice?)

Funny side story on the pies: Jeff had to come home a couple of days early from Lake Powell to go back to work. When I got home, he told me he had taken my ring into the jewelers to be cleaned. When we went to pick the ring up, two of the pave diamonds had fallen out during cleaning. It was the weekend so I just wore the ring home and figured I'd take it back the next week to be fixed. Well, on the big birthday, I took Jeff to lunch. While we were waiting for our food, he was holding my hand, and suddenly gasped. I looked down to see that two more of the diamonds had fallen out. I was bummed, but then realized that I had already baked two of the pies, meaning the missing diamonds could have been anywhere from the grass in the front yard, to the crust of a homemade dessert. Needless to say, while serving our guests their dessert, I also had to warn them to chew carefully.

Surprise! Nobody ended up finding a sparkly party favor in their food.

Lake Powell

August always brings the annual Lake Powell trip with the Bryner clan. And despite the usual problems (only one engine worked on the house boat, one fridge was out of commission, the ants took over the kitchen, and we had to siphon gas into the gas cans), it was a memorable trip.

The full moon was beautiful, but made it hard to sleep

We piled into the boat for daily fishing

Wally struggled with his life jacket

Not sure if he was tired or pissed

Strike a pose...

...show off the muscles...

...and then DIVE!

The kiddos dressed up like pirates...

...and then went on a treasure hunt

Hiking into the narrows

The rocks right next to our house boat

I love the patterns the water makes!

Three Oh

In July, I turned the magical age of thirty. No, I am not depressed. No, I don't feel any different. Yes, I am excited to start this next chapter in my life. And yes, I did look in the mirror and realize that I am starting to look older. Bummer.

My actual birthday was pretty low key, but the celebrating continued for a few days afterward. That Saturday, we did a little fishing at Strawberry Reservoir. I was able to work on my tan and take a little nappy nap on the boat too! Later that evening, Jeff took me to dinner and then surprised me with a party up at his parents house! (Thanks to the family and friends who put it all together and helped my husband in all the lying!)

Jeff's biggest surprise, though, was the beautiful frame that he made for me! He loves working in his dad's wood shop, and he spent days up there building my present. Remember my post about Craig Tovey and the head shots he took of me? Jeff wanted to frame those as a reminder of how beautiful he thinks I am (I think I may have cried a little bit as he was telling me this). He even cut the matting around the pictures himself! So thank you sugar bum for the wonderful birthday and the perfect gift!

Friends

I love getting together with all my High School girlfriends.  We don't do it often enough (as we were talking about it, we realized that the last time we had all gotten together was right before I got married, two years ago), but when we do.... oh the fun we have!  So I just wanted to post the picture of all us girls at dinner in June, and let them know how much I love them!

Ready, Set, BLOG!

I have been a total slacker when it comes to blogging. I've just had no motivation whatsoever. This being said, I have decided over the next couple of days to catch up on oodles of blogging, which means there will be a bundle of summer photos, random stories, and rambling. 

Coming soon:  birthdays, an anniversary, a bit of fishing, and anything else I can remember

Happy 30th Birthday, my sweetheart!

Love, your "Chicken"

New Paintings

Well folks, here they are. The six paintings I just this morning delivered to my friend. There is a story behind each of them, but you'll have to wait, as my friend who commissioned these is still writing them up. Enjoy!

Swarm Theory

14x14 Oil on Board

Tumbleweed

14x14 Oil on Board

Fractal

14x14 Oil on Board

DNA Strand

14x14 Oil on Board

Cat's Eye Nebula

14x14 Oil on Board

Aurora Borealis

14x14 Oil on Board

And here is one I just finished for someone in New York: 

The Kiss

8x12 Oil on Canvas

I Heart Your Talent, Craig Tovey...

I recently finished 6 paintings that a friend commissioned me to do, and I wanted to get some good photos of the art before I gave them to said friend. I have several friends who are phenomenal photographers, but when I talked to my friend Craig, he was excited for the challenge! He didn't just do a good job... he did a SUPERBLY AWESOME job of photographing my art! Basically, he's hired. 

So this blog is purely a plug for the fantastic photographer, Craig Tovey. Check out his PhotoBlog to see what he has been up to. Or better yet, go to his website to check out his services, and then give him a call. I've never seen anyone capture a personality on film quite like Craiggers.

 Hey YOU...click on the link:  

Oh, did I mention that after he photographed my art, he forced me sit for some head shots. I hate hate HATE pictures of myself.... until now. Here are a few of the great shots he took of me:

    

The Official Website

Well folks, this is it. I finally got my art website up. HOORAY! It isn't fancy. I don't have a cool logo or any sweet moving text. (Anyone know how to do java? Or want to create a cool logo or font or something?) I'll be obsessed with making it better. But this is where I have displayed my displayable art. This is where I will be putting images of my new art. This is my website! Check it out. Tell your friends and family about it. Create a link to it from your blog. When you overhear someone saying "Man, I wish I knew a really great artist who could do a portrait of my kid", tell them about it. And check it periodically if you'd like to see what I've been up to.

http://www.jessiebrynerart.com

P.S. I'd like to thank my mac for allowing me to build a simple website using a simple program. 

Yet Another Awesome Compliment...

This is our nephew Max.  He, like Kira, and all children I suppose, can be very blunt and to the point.  This is a conversation he had with Jeff at Easter dinner yesterday:

Max: Jeff, you are a lot like my papa!

Jeff: Yes I am buddy, in a lot of ways.

Shannon (Max's mama): Max, in what way would you say Jeff is like Papa?

Max: (turning to Jeff) You're fat!

Shannon quickly put her head in her hands and sighed.

Honesty Isn't Always The Best Policy

This is my beautiful niece Kira. She is 8 years old, and never sugar coats what she is thinking. The other day while at my sister-in-law's house, I was chatting with Kira while she pretended to practice the piano. She suddenly cocked her head to one side, and changed the subject:

Kira: Jessie, do you need braces?

Me: Well, I never had them as a kid. Yes, my teeth are a little crooked.

Kira: (with complete pity in her voice) Oh, I feel SO bad for kids who don't get braces when they are little. Then they grow up and look like...... (her voice trails off)

Me: What, they look like me?

Kira: Well....yeah!